Monday, November 15, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
The leaves are turning, the wind is blowing, the rain is coming in and hopefully we won't have anymore days of 85 degree weather. Who wants that in November?! I want it to feel like Fall. I want to be able to wear my hoodies and throw on those warm sweaters. I want to dig out those cute fuzzy socks that are stuffed at the back of my sock drawer.
Cotton sheets have been replaced by flannel sheets, summer quilts have been stored away to make room for warm, fluffy winter comforters. The tea, coffee and hot chocolate have been put at the forefront of the pantry. It's time for me to dust off the crockpot for some homemade chili, soup and pot roast.
I love this time of year.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
I'm trying not to stress out b/c truth is, I work better & focus better under pressure but deep down inside- I'm flippin' the fuck out!!! I keep telling myself, "You can do this, you CAN do this." And after I read about 2 sentences I can't focus on the material anymore and re-read those 2 sentences 7x....only to say, "What?" *SIGH*
I even wrote on my weekly to-do list in my 'Mom Plan-It', "start new course book." And then on the following week I wrote, "Take test over course book." Have I followed this? NO. And really. Right now would be the PERFECT time to get my book out and finish the book I started last month but yet, here I sit. Thinking of what to update my followers with, the box of shredded mini-wheats on the counter, how I must get a load of whites washed today, that I forgot to light the pumpkin spice candle and how a smoke would be really good about now.
Maybe I need to take a course in focusing b/c it seems that I have a real problem with that simple task.
Monday, September 20, 2010
*Shouting at the top of my lungs*
GIMME A BREAK HERE JEEZ!!!
I've been looking for and trying to find a job since mid/end of July. Can I say it's not easy at all?! Especially when your only experience is in having babies & raising babies. Totally sucks donkey balls.
I have applied at N.E.W., McDonalds, Ryan's, Hibbets, Applebees, the Post Office and WalMart, just to name a few. Still no luck in getting hired anywhere.
Somethings gotta give right?
So this morning, I got up and decided after giving the local nursing home (or Health & Rehabilitation Center as they are actually called) a 2 week break on me calling every Monday it was time for a call to check up on my application there to get into their CNA program.
Guess what I found out?! That my name was on the list for the next class and as soon as they knew when that was, they would start calling my references. YAY!!! Finally!!! I have been waiting for this since July, seriously. I'm really hoping that they will get a class scheduled soon, like, really really really soon. This way, things can get back on the track I had them on.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
I am who I am today because of you. YOU changed me for better AND for worse.
I am stronger now because of the shit you've put me through. I will not cry anymore because of the shit you've put me through. I will learn to stand on my own two feet because of the shit you've put me through. I will be a survivor because of the shit you've put me through.
And one day you will look back and think how badly you fucked up.
The old Stacy is gone and I kinda like the new one so you can suck it!
Friday, August 20, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Open House was last night and it seemed like we were at the school forever doing The Boy Wonders 7 classes. His locker is a POS, not happy about that with it being his first year using one. He's nervous about having to open it b/c the stupid thing kept getting stuck at the bottom. We were told that the lockers get stuck a lot, the combo locks don't work sometimes so someone with a key has to be found to unlock them. I think the school needs to put in new lockers for their students rather than the electronic school sign down the road from the school. But what do I know?!
So look for me tomorrow morning, I'll be the hot mess lingering outside the kindergarten rooms.
Monday, July 26, 2010
*Kicks, stomps & jumps up & down*
We don't wanna go back to school!!!!
So not fair that 2 counties away, they don't start back until Aug. 23rd. WHY does Okaloosa county think it's cool to torture kids & parents with starting early? They all suck.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
We have had so much fun with each other that I hate to see it all end. We've swam at their hotel pool a couple of times, went to the beach on Okaloosa Island and hung out at the house. It has been miserably hot outside so anything that involves water or air conditioning is a must! The kids have enjoyed each others company as well; playing video games together (w/o fighting & arguing I might add), the little ones running about playing whatever and just getting to know each other. Melted my heart when Miss O told me that Diva was her "best friend." Awwwww....
Hopefully we will see them next summer and hopefully things on my end will be better. Have a safe trip home guys! Love you all <3
Saturday, July 10, 2010
We met on CafeMom before it grew to the size it is now. When there was only a mere 400 members and less idiots. We have chatted online & on the phone for 3 years now. We video chat, let the kids video chat and now it's for real :) They will arrive on the 13th and are staying at a hotel roughly 20-25 mins. from my house. Diva is excited b/c the hotel has a pool, LOL!
They couldn't have planned to come at a more perfect time for the kids & I. We definitely need this right now with everything going on. I think that's partly why they planned the trip for now. She is such a great friend to me; she supports me in what I do whether it be what she would do, she gives me advice when I need it and tells me when she thinks I'm in the wrong. She has been a shoulder to cry on for the past few weeks and always has comforting words to offer.
Even though this will be our first time meeting in person, I feel as if I have known her my entire life.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
I think in trying to find the answers to all my questions I'm learning things about myself. I'm learning my weaknesses & my strong points. Just when I think I can't cope any longer, I seem to find a new inner strength. That's not to say I'm not having weak moments. I have broken down and cried until my eyes burned, until I don't think I have any tears left, until I can't speak, until I'm dry heaving over the toilet. I will be glad when all this hurt subsides and my heart stops aching. I don't know that the kids ever will and that saddens me that I can't just kiss things & make them better.
Being strong in front of them is a must for me. I try very hard (although not always successful) to not have a breakdown in front of the kids. Their lives have been turned just as upside down & inside out as mine- if not moreso- and they are trying their best to cope with the goings-on. The last thing I feel they need is to see mommy in tears. Then they worry more and I don't want them to worry anymore than they are already, know what I mean?
Being around people that I know care about and love me & the kids so far has been some of the best medicine for us all. Those that don't trash talk the absent person in our lives, those that don't try to just talk about that person (we need distraction thankyou), those that help us to laugh & see the good in things helps me feel as if there is hope for us, that there is a light at the end of this tunnel, no matter how distant it may seem.
I went to a local nursing home late this afternoon to apply for their CNA class and jobs. The nursing home is roughly 12-15 mins. from my house so that is a bonus for me. It will save me on commute time, gas, as well as I will be close to the kids. I was hoping that the class would be starting like Monday but it's not scheduled to start for another 2 wks. Then the class takes 2 wks. to complete THEN I will be put straight on the 2PM-10PM shift. Would be fab for summertime seeing how the kids stay up all night and sleep most of the day BUT school is now just around the corner. This stresses me out. Who is going to watch my kids after school? Who will feed them dinner and help them with their homework? Who will tuck them in at night? *SIGH* It makes me tear up to think that I won't be home at night for a while to see my children off to bed.
This school year is an important one as well. The Boy Wonder starts Middle School and he is already nervous. The Little Diva starts kindergarten. My mind is going 100 MPH thinking how can I juggle everything and everyone as a newly single working mother of 4. This is all new to me, new to them and very, very...terrifying for us all.
How we will manage things...I'm sure we will learn through trial & error, through tears and laughter and something I've been doing my best to preach to them since things have "come out in the wash," TEAMWORK. That WE are all we have and WE must work together to make sure that WE survive & come out on top.
I'm going to close with a quote that I love and to me, says it all about my relationship with my babies:
"To the world you are one person, but to one person, you are the world."
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Without going into detail (b/c it would take way too long to type out- if you're on my facebook you've got the my-life-falling- apart-via-status-updates) I will just say that everything in my life is very unsure at the moment. Everything. I feel as if I'm in this groundhog day sort of dream where shite just keeps repeating but yet changing all at the same time. It's very confusing, mind- numbing, stomach- churning and heart breaking and I'm watching it from a distance...like a train wreck...helpless as to what to do or where to turn. I don't know. Things are so up in the air at the moment that my head is spinning.
Monday, June 7, 2010
Around 6 AM this morning, I woke up to a throbbing throat that hurt when I swallowed. Wonderful. A trip to Wal-Mart by 10 to pick up sore throat drops, more meds. for us & cleaner. Home now to clean the house from top to bottom and do my best to get all these damn germs out...that and clean before I get too sick to do anything and the house goes to shite!
Hoping I can keep Princess and Boo away from everyone so they won't get whatever we have.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
It has rained everyday since I believe May 31st here in the Sunshine state. I feel as if I'm back in England :) I love the rain but I hate that it just makes the grass grow faster.
My plans for today was to take the kids to the beach in Destin before the oil spill hits us. However, Diva's fever didn't go away as we had hoped it would. Instead, it only got higher. It was a very sleepless night for the both of us. She tossed, turned, moaned and coughed all night long. I did the cold washcloth on her forehead, set the alarms for meds. times and worried about her fever all night long. When she finally got up around 11:30 AM (from falling asleep roughly at 9:30 PM) she still had a fever and told me she felt "bad." Soooo, no beach today. :(
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
We now own a big truck and the husband is now employed through Great Wide running Wal Mart freight....I keep meaning to ask him if this means we get some sort of discount with them b/c that would be nice!! The suck part of all this is he is working in/out of Arkansas so we won't get to see him should he "pass through" because well, there's no "passing through" Florida from Arkansas. That is just one of the many suck things about him being in that God awful state but we won't get into that. (FYI: Ark. is hubby's home state, all his family is there & yes, we used to live there.)
Spring Break is approaching! YAY!! Can't wait for the kids to have no school for a week- makes me want summer to hurry up & get here. No plans at all other than to just chill at the casa and let the kids be kids.
I take that back about no plans over SB. My ONE plan is to get some of my schoolwork done. It's been a month yesterday that I've done anything for it so I need to get on the ball....I need someone to light a fire under me arse first b/c I have ZERO motivation.
The meds. I was given have not helped whatsoever. I understand the one will take 6-8 wks. to have an effect but yeah, I'm ready for something to happen. I hate feeling like shite all the time. I'm so over it already.
My brother ended up not going to Kuwait. He is instead, in Iraq. Not cool.
I have become addicted to Nature's Valley Chewy Trail Mix Fruit & Nut bars and have been going through a box every couple of days. What? They're healthy no?!
I guess that's it for now. Until next time!
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Brent was like the weight trainer Nazi but he knows what I think are my "problem" areas and knows that I want to work them desperately so therefore he pushed me despite my complaining....I did only complain about that one machine though!
Hoping that this will not only provide me with a good workout but also get me outta the house as well as making me feel better...even if I can only go 2x a week.
Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
I'll do my best to give a rundown of exactly what's been happening for those that are interested.
My last post I mentioned my paranoia about what could possibly be wrong with me. And even though I did it in a joking manner I was completely serious. I knew that something was wrong with me, I've known this since for some time now. So I did finally take that first step and make an appt. with a doctor. The result? I'm seriously messed up. Ok....hopefully not messed up as in, beyond repair although that is how I feel at this point...at times. I have anxiety issues, which I did already know just not to the degree the doctor thinks, and some depression. I'm trying to look on the bright side of this (for those that know me personally, yes I do sometimes do that just not as often as I should), doesn't like 1.5 million people all over the world suffer from depression? So I'm not alone in this. Which doesn't make me feel like a complete failure of a human being.
We figured out why I go on cleaning binges constantly of the entire house, why I feel the need to rearrange the furniture every time you turn around, why I sometimes feel like my heart stops for even half a second and why I sometimes feel like my heart is beating in my ears. Anxiety/anxiety attacks.
Aside from the anxiety and depression I also have OCD. Yes people often joke about someone being OCD and all that but when you really have it, it's not that funny. Really. I have the type that my canned,boxed, all my groceries have to be a certain way, in a certain order; I stack things, including dirty dishes, in a specific order, and I don't like people putting things in the shopping trolley b/c they have to go in a certain way....same thing with the belt at the grocery. I get anxious when other people do this, the husband included. Then my anxiety turns to anger and I don't understand why people can't just let me stack my things the way I need to stack them check-out clerk!
Another OCD I suffer from is one that people don't talk much about. Maybe b/c it's Taboo....maybe b/c it's so personal...and for that reason, I am still not comfortable talking about it. Not even to my husband of almost 12 yrs. This OCD I have suffered with since I was 11 1/2. Very few of my nearest and dearest friends know b/c...well, for me, it's quite embarrassing.
So my doctor has promised to do his very best at helping me get better. *Sigh of relief* I can honestly say that I'm looking forward to being better. For myself and for my family. And if I have to do that with the aid of meds., which I've always been against taking, then so be it.
Now, moving onto other things!
I have gotten back into school, again. This time not with a University, yet anyway! That is in the works but I don't want to take on more than I can handle so right now I'm doing the Penn Foster College (Career School) route for Travel & Tourism to get my certification to be a Travel Agent. I'm excited b/c I love to travel (even though I know that's not a reason to want to do this) but to be able to help people plan these dream vacations, to help them reconnect with old friends & family or to just send them on their way for business excites me. I feel like this could be something that I will really enjoy doing and I can't wait until I get the chance!
Next up my husband (with the help of his mom) is trying to get a loan to purchase his (our) own big truck. This will benefit our family in many ways and I'm just trying to keep that in mind as we go through this long and very trying process.
What else?? Oh, my desktop has decided to get like 27 viruses in it and is shut down. Ugh. So as soon as we can, it will be taken to be fixed. I should have known- first the flat screen just stopped working and then the modem. Stupid thing. I am on via Brent's laptop that we got for him to take out on the road so we can see him through the web cam b/c we were only able to see him for 3 days @ a time every month (will be another plus to owning his own truck- HOME TIME!!).
And b/c he loves me so much he bought me a Dell Mini 10 laptop! YAY!! I've only been asking for one for like, EVER!! LOL!! Unfortunately, it's not scheduled to arrive until beginning of March. Humph.
You remember Twayla yeah? Little Diva's imaginary friend/stuffed Barbie cat? Well, she's back. She actually never left but just kind of quieted down...until the other day....when I found red color crayon drawings in the corner of the living room...then more in The Super Twins room, and 2 more places in The Boy Wonder's closet and bedroom. Who dunnit? Why Twayla of course. And just why did she do it? B/c she couldn't find any paper to make her pictures on. Hmmmm....Twayla was put in her pet kennel for the reminder of the day and Little Diva was made to wipe the walls with a damp washcloth. Yes I knew that wasn't going to get the crayon off the wall but I'm not handing the WD40 over to a 4 year old! While she wiped, she wailed and wailed and wiped. Pleading her case that she "didn't do it." Uh-huh. Afterwards she was made to sit in her Brat chair for time out (she has one of those foamy chairs that happens to have those hideous dolls on it).
I think that's about everything here! I'll stop by your blogs as soon as I can, promise :)
Sunday, February 7, 2010
As I read the articles I had an uneasy feeling b/c I felt like I was reading about ME. Then I quickly realized 2 things: 1- I need to go see a doctor ASAP (and I loathe going to doctors) & 2- I have become one of those people. You know the people I'm talking about. The ones that think every illness applies to them. The ones that claim every ache and pain is due to this & that. The ones that take 36 pills 6x a day for everything they think they have. I happen to be related to a few of those people...shit has it rubbed off on me?? Is it something that happens as you age?? I mean, I'm only 29 for the 3rd year in a row so WTF?!?!
So now I'm kicking myself in the ass b/c I'm stressing to the max about the fact that I may or may not have basal cell carcinoma or possibly squamous cell carcinoma (certain types of skin cancer) and on top of all that I totally fit the bill to have ADD b/c I can't concentrate for shit and I seriously think I have early onset Alzheimer's b/c my forgetfulness is horrible...but no according to the June 2009 issue of 'Health' magazine it is more than likely due to having ADD. That also covers anxiety, depression & low self-esteem....which I'm pretty sure I have all 3 of those too. See?? I've become one of those people.
Why do I hear Jeff Foxworthy?!
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
By "funk" I'm talking about not wanting to do anything, not even caring to do anything, sleeping all the time, letting myself & my house go. I just have this overwhelming sense of I don't give a shit anymore....but yet I do....does that make any sense at all??
I've done the fresh air thing & a little bit of the shopping but really those just seemed to be like bandages...that's not the word I'm looking for but it'll do I guess. When I'm out and about all I can think about is how badly I want to be back at home in the bed, hid under the covers. I do feel tired the majority of the time, like I could just sleep for days....
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Monday, January 4, 2010
He is not a faceless name in the sea of our military. He, like every one of our military soldiers, belongs to a family. He is loved and we hope and pray for his safe return home to us.
This is a picture taken a few years ago when we were goofin' around (he'd be pissed if he knew I put this up) @ the Easter Egg hunt for all the kids...hey we had to find ways to occupy ourselves when the kids wanted to hunt & rehunt the eggs 7 million times!!
Being a Girl Scout leader, I thought trying to put together care packages for his unit would be a wonderful thing for the girls to do; a really great community service project. Of course I also thought that maybe it would help myself, my daughters, his daughter, and his new wife, Tiffany (my new SIL), feel as if we were helping in some small way. At the end of the tour, I'm planning a meet & greet between the girls and the soldiers so the girls can see, know & understand that they are people and not just soldiers. I'm really hoping that everyone can and will benefit from this C.S. Project in the end.
I have a plea to make to the Blogging World, to my followers and to my online friends. We are but a very small troop of 7 girls so I am going to ask that everyone get involved in this Operation Girl Scout Care Packages; not just for the soldiers but for my *girls.
*This will be the 2nd C.S.P. they have done and the first one, collection/drive for PAWS, was a flop that has had them very discouraged from trying to do another.*
In closing I will say thank you ahead of time to those that will help the troop make this C.S.P. a success. Please message me here or e-mail me @ firstname.lastname@example.org so I can get a head count of how many people we can get involved. I do understand that 15 months is a long time to be doing a project but a little here & there I'm sure will go a long way for our soldiers that are serving. :)
I would also like to take a moment to share my love to my family and friends that have served and/or continue to serve this great country we take for granted:
Roy Alford, Jr (grandfather)- Navy- Korean War
Ronnie Money (uncle)- Army- Vietnam
Robert Alford (uncle)- retired Army Green Beret- Vietnam
David Paplauskas (bio-dad)- retired Air Force- Gulf War
Robert Pagnini, Jr. (step-dad)- retired Air Force- War on Terror- Afghanistan, Uzbekistan
Michael Alford (cousin)- Army Ranger- War on Terror- Iraq
Michael Ellis (BIL)- Army- War on Terror- Iraq
Lawrence Siegel (BIL)- Army- War on Terror- Iraq
Gary D. Joy (FIL)- U.S. Marines- Vietnam (3 tours)
Gary Browning- retired Air Force
Dewitt Sadler (brother)- Army National Guard- War on Terror- Kuwait
Brandon Sadler (brother's cousin)- Army Green Beret- War on Terror- Iraq
Jeff Westbrook- Army National Guard
Jeremy Taylor- Army
Shane Honan- Army
Michael Lightfoot- Air Force
Tom Mudgett- Army
To those I've forgotten, I'm very sorry!!
Friday, January 1, 2010
Last night while everyone was welcoming in this new year, I was finally sitting down & getting our BK paperwork sorted & recorded. I thought that was an excellent way to start off the year by having this done b/c this one thing is holding us back in many, many ways. After it was all done, about 3 AM, I felt good about it. Like I had finally accomplished something. I know, small feat, but one nonetheless. I tried to continue finishing the recording of past due bills today by calling the places that I have no paperwork from (because they're soooo old) but of course places are closed for New Years Day. Bullocks! They threw my groove off....so I surfed TMZ for a bit instead...
Didn't find anything interesting...Marc Jacobs is covered in tats, Buzz from 'Home Alone' has packed on the pounds, Britney has went back to being a brunette, Tiger....still disappoints me, Sheen & his bimbo need to be locked in a padded room together- with alleged knife- and somehow Michael Lohan & Jon Gosselin are still making news. *BLECH*
Alrighty then! Do you make New Year's Resolutions? I used to but never stuck with them so I quit. I'm not going to make them this year either even though there are some things that I'd love to finally get done....but making them a resolution just adds pressure to make sure you get them done and who the hell needs more pressure?! More pressure creates more stress. More stress causes meltdowns. Meltdowns- aren't pretty.
So instead of making "resolutions" I'm going to make a to-do list. I seem to be able to function well with lists. I'm confident that I will have things crossed off my to-do list by 2011....hopefully sooner of course :)
Here's to the New Year, 2010, and all the POSITIVE things it will bring!!