Saturday, February 27, 2010

Trip to the gym

Finally went to the gym today with the husband. I have to say that it was actually fun :) Let me also say that I loathe the curl weight machine thing. (Sorry,don't know what it's actually called). I dreaded everytime I had to go do another set on it. And the husband knew it too ;)

Brent was like the weight trainer Nazi but he knows what I think are my "problem" areas and knows that I want to work them desperately so therefore he pushed me despite my complaining....I did only complain about that one machine though!

Hoping that this will not only provide me with a good workout but also get me outta the house as well as making me feel better...even if I can only go 2x a week.

Hope everyone is enjoying their weekend!

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Playing Catch Up

Hello blogger friends and followers! Sorry I haven't been around, things on my end have been fairly busy. How are things going with you all?!

I'll do my best to give a rundown of exactly what's been happening for those that are interested.

My last post I mentioned my paranoia about what could possibly be wrong with me. And even though I did it in a joking manner I was completely serious. I knew that something was wrong with me, I've known this since for some time now. So I did finally take that first step and make an appt. with a doctor. The result? I'm seriously messed up. Ok....hopefully not messed up as in, beyond repair although that is how I feel at this times. I have anxiety issues, which I did already know just not to the degree the doctor thinks, and some depression. I'm trying to look on the bright side of this (for those that know me personally, yes I do sometimes do that just not as often as I should), doesn't like 1.5 million people all over the world suffer from depression? So I'm not alone in this. Which doesn't make me feel like a complete failure of a human being.

We figured out why I go on cleaning binges constantly of the entire house, why I feel the need to rearrange the furniture every time you turn around, why I sometimes feel like my heart stops for even half a second and why I sometimes feel like my heart is beating in my ears. Anxiety/anxiety attacks.

Aside from the anxiety and depression I also have OCD. Yes people often joke about someone being OCD and all that but when you really have it, it's not that funny. Really. I have the type that my canned,boxed, all my groceries have to be a certain way, in a certain order; I stack things, including dirty dishes, in a specific order, and I don't like people putting things in the shopping trolley b/c they have to go in a certain way....same thing with the belt at the grocery. I get anxious when other people do this, the husband included. Then my anxiety turns to anger and I don't understand why people can't just let me stack my things the way I need to stack them check-out clerk!

Another OCD I suffer from is one that people don't talk much about. Maybe b/c it's Taboo....maybe b/c it's so personal...and for that reason, I am still not comfortable talking about it. Not even to my husband of almost 12 yrs. This OCD I have suffered with since I was 11 1/2. Very few of my nearest and dearest friends know b/c...well, for me, it's quite embarrassing.

So my doctor has promised to do his very best at helping me get better. *Sigh of relief* I can honestly say that I'm looking forward to being better. For myself and for my family. And if I have to do that with the aid of meds., which I've always been against taking, then so be it.

Now, moving onto other things!

I have gotten back into school, again. This time not with a University, yet anyway! That is in the works but I don't want to take on more than I can handle so right now I'm doing the Penn Foster College (Career School) route for Travel & Tourism to get my certification to be a Travel Agent. I'm excited b/c I love to travel (even though I know that's not a reason to want to do this) but to be able to help people plan these dream vacations, to help them reconnect with old friends & family or to just send them on their way for business excites me. I feel like this could be something that I will really enjoy doing and I can't wait until I get the chance!

Next up my husband (with the help of his mom) is trying to get a loan to purchase his (our) own big truck. This will benefit our family in many ways and I'm just trying to keep that in mind as we go through this long and very trying process.

What else?? Oh, my desktop has decided to get like 27 viruses in it and is shut down. Ugh. So as soon as we can, it will be taken to be fixed. I should have known- first the flat screen just stopped working and then the modem. Stupid thing. I am on via Brent's laptop that we got for him to take out on the road so we can see him through the web cam b/c we were only able to see him for 3 days @ a time every month (will be another plus to owning his own truck- HOME TIME!!).

And b/c he loves me so much he bought me a Dell Mini 10 laptop! YAY!! I've only been asking for one for like, EVER!! LOL!! Unfortunately, it's not scheduled to arrive until beginning of March. Humph.

You remember Twayla yeah? Little Diva's imaginary friend/stuffed Barbie cat? Well, she's back. She actually never left but just kind of quieted down...until the other day....when I found red color crayon drawings in the corner of the living room...then more in The Super Twins room, and 2 more places in The Boy Wonder's closet and bedroom. Who dunnit? Why Twayla of course. And just why did she do it? B/c she couldn't find any paper to make her pictures on. Hmmmm....Twayla was put in her pet kennel for the reminder of the day and Little Diva was made to wipe the walls with a damp washcloth. Yes I knew that wasn't going to get the crayon off the wall but I'm not handing the WD40 over to a 4 year old! While she wiped, she wailed and wailed and wiped. Pleading her case that she "didn't do it." Uh-huh. Afterwards she was made to sit in her Brat chair for time out (she has one of those foamy chairs that happens to have those hideous dolls on it).

I think that's about everything here! I'll stop by your blogs as soon as I can, promise :)

Sunday, February 7, 2010

One of those people

As I sat at my Grands house this afternoon listening to the stories told by my grandfather (b/c no one can tell 'em like he can) I flipped through the pages of an old issue of 'Health' magazine only stopping at catchy titles & only half reading them until I came across 2 articles that made me actually think. *SCOFF*

As I read the articles I had an uneasy feeling b/c I felt like I was reading about ME. Then I quickly realized 2 things: 1- I need to go see a doctor ASAP (and I loathe going to doctors) & 2- I have become one of those people. You know the people I'm talking about. The ones that think every illness applies to them. The ones that claim every ache and pain is due to this & that. The ones that take 36 pills 6x a day for everything they think they have. I happen to be related to a few of those people...shit has it rubbed off on me?? Is it something that happens as you age?? I mean, I'm only 29 for the 3rd year in a row so WTF?!?!

So now I'm kicking myself in the ass b/c I'm stressing to the max about the fact that I may or may not have basal cell carcinoma or possibly squamous cell carcinoma (certain types of skin cancer) and on top of all that I totally fit the bill to have ADD b/c I can't concentrate for shit and I seriously think I have early onset Alzheimer's b/c my forgetfulness is horrible...but no according to the June 2009 issue of 'Health' magazine it is more than likely due to having ADD. That also covers anxiety, depression & low self-esteem....which I'm pretty sure I have all 3 of those too. See?? I've become one of those people.

Why do I hear Jeff Foxworthy?!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Snap out of it already

I am in somewhat of a funk. Like, a serious funk. And I don't know what I can do to crawl out of it. Get fresh air? Exercise? Shop? See a doctor? I keep waiting for it to go away on its own but after more than a month of it, I don't think it's going any where....and there's a part of me that kinda doesn't want it to go...but a big part that says "Shoo fly, don't bother me!"

By "funk" I'm talking about not wanting to do anything, not even caring to do anything, sleeping all the time, letting myself & my house go. I just have this overwhelming sense of I don't give a shit anymore....but yet I do....does that make any sense at all??

I've done the fresh air thing & a little bit of the shopping but really those just seemed to be like bandages...that's not the word I'm looking for but it'll do I guess. When I'm out and about all I can think about is how badly I want to be back at home in the bed, hid under the covers. I do feel tired the majority of the time, like I could just sleep for days....